What is sexual boredom?

I usually think about sexual boredom as a “stage” of relationships, a temporary experience deriving from monotonous or unstimulating sex. The reasons why sex is uninteresting might be varied, but the experience itself seems rather common.

In a study I did with colleagues in Portugal in 2021,  people identified several factors contributing to boredom. These were, broadly, sexual routine, lack of satisfaction or pleasure, low sexual interest, infrequent sex, and lack of emotional connection during sex.

Some people think sexual boredom is to be expected in long-term relationships and that will inevitably lead to low sexual desire for the person that is bored, but I am not too sure. Granted, no one likes to be bored – although I think we need to appreciate the privilege that comes with it – but that does not mean that we have to endure dull sex forever.

Boredom is a signal, a negative experience that we might wrestle by attempting to change whatever is causing us discomfort. Sometimes this is possible, sometimes not.

The research shows that the more individuals experience sexual boredom, the more they desire to engage in sexual novelty, but the less willing they are to initiate or comply with sexual novelty. Interesting, right? We can end our misery but we choose not to or, perhaps, we feel incapable to do so.

On the other hand, if we can afford the risk, or if we have the right means to counteract boredom, we might end up finding ourselves in Pleasureland. Boredom can drive us to more fulfilling and satisfying sexual lives when it leads to change!

Boredom can be a good thing!

Convinced already?

~

de Oliveira, L. (2023). A mixed aproach toward understanding sexual boredom and its relationship with health and well-being [Doctoral Dissertation, University of Porto].

de Oliveira, L., Carvalho, J., & Nobre, P. (2021). Perceptions of sexual boredom in a community sample. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 47(3), 224-237.

Rosa, M. N., Matthews, S. A., Giuliano, T. A., Thomas, K. H., Swift, B. A., & Mills, M. M. (2019). Encouraging erotic variety: Identifying correlates of, and strategies for promoting, sexual novelty in romantic relationships. Personality and Individual Differences, 146, 158-169.

Tunariu, A. D., & Reavey, P. (2003). Men in love: Living with sexual boredom. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 18(1), 63-94.